Wherever you go….there you are.
This has to be one of my favorite quotes, only because it describes me so well. It’s a very interesting concept to consider. As humans, when it comes to happiness and contentment, we have three options to consider.
Living in the past
Living in the future
Enjoying the present
What’s your tendency?
Many people never overcome their pasts. Their pasts are like chains, bolted to their legs, dragging behind them and collecting bits of trash. Or worse, their pasts are like tinted glasses, coloring the world in which they live. If people in your past mistreated you, or repeatedly let you down, you probably learned to mistrust others, and as such, missed out on rewarding relationships. If your past taught you to fear new things, or that risk equates to eventual failure, you may not find yourself inclined to try, and thus, may have missed opportunities.
Experts say that living in the present is the most rewarding way to live, that enjoying the now is the only path to true enlightenment. Me? Well, I guess I wouldn’t know. Living in—and for—the present is something I’m just not good at. But I can tell you this: I work on it every day. Like anything else, it’s a skill that must be trained. It’s a muscle that must be worked and massaged, and there are certain things you can do to help with this. At the end of this post, I’ll provide a list of life “hacks”, designed to remind you to live, and enjoy, the present. But first, let me bring things back to the original quote.
Wherever you go….there you are.
If you’re anything like me, you tend to live in the future, particularly If you’ve ever said something like this, “Life will be great when X happens.”, or “I’ll be happy when I get to X.”, or “I can’t wait for X to happen, because when it does, I’ll finally be happy.”
Sound like you? Sounds like me. Sounds like many of us, I’d venture to guess. It reminds me of something Angelina Jolie once said, she being one of the most beautiful and successful women in the world.
Can you imagine this amazing woman thinking and feeling that? On the surface, she seems to have it all figured out. She has beautiful children, a rich and full life, homes in many of the most desirable cities and countries in the world, a bottomless bank account. She gives of her time to those in need. Her occupation allows her to explore her creativity. But despite all of this outward success, she still isn’t satisfied or content. I don’t know Angelina Jolie personally, of course, so I can’t say for certain that she isn’t satisfied. But when I read these words, I can’t help but empathize, and I’m sure many others would, as well. What she seems to be saying is this:
I’m living for the future, and by default, I’m not really enjoying my present.
How do I know what she’s saying? Because I’m an expert! I’m fantastic at living in the future. It’s what I do best. Let me share an example with all of you.
In 2016, I quit a very lucrative job. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I worked days and nights and it was never enough. I put my blood, sweat and tears into that job, but nothing ever seemed to be enough. One day, I just stood up and quit. Something snapped. The financial reward was no longer worth the mental and psychological costs. I had some personal healing to do.
I’m sure many people thought I was crazy, but I really didn’t care, and instead, I set out to find something that suited me better. Within one day, I had a new job, and for the past 2 years, I’ve been learning a very important (and disturbing) fact.
Wherever I go, there I am. Hmmm…. But what does that mean?
To be honest, at first, it’s a very depressing realization, one that amounts to personal reflection and accountability. In the context of the above example, it means this: I left behind a high-stress job, but when I left, I took something with me.
Myself.
My new job is far less stressful and demanding than the old. Overall, my workplace is a much happier place to be, but over the course of that first year, something strange happened. I began to feel the same stress I had before. Why? What were the causes? What was going on?
Was my boss being mean, or disrespecting me? No.
Were the job functions significantly different? No.
Was I expected to work 60 hours a week? No.
Then why was I suffering the same ill effects?
It was me. The source of the stress was ME! “You can run, but you just can’t hide.” Amen. Thanks, Def Leppard. Particularly if what you’re running from is yourself. Over the course of the 2017 calendar year, I learned that I was causing my own stress. I didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t think I ever accomplished enough, and because of those beliefs, I pushed myself harder. It was a never-ending circle, with no end, and no beginning, and here’s the rub: it was all in my head. (And still is, if you really want to know!)
Friends, please learn from my mistakes. I’ve caused myself quite a bit of pain over the years. If you find yourself dealing with repetitive feelings and repetitive circumstances, you must consider that you may be the source! Wherever you go, there you are. This is true on so many levels: at work, at home, and definitely in relationships. I have a friend, who will remain nameless (and sexless), who gets into and out of relationships in record time. There is always something “wrong” with the other person, but what do those relationships have in common? Him! (or her) That’s what.
We carry ourselves from place to place. We have no choice. We can’t leave ourselves behind. And it doesn’t matter if those places are beautiful beaches with white sands and emerald waters. I think that’s what Angelina was saying. Wherever she goes, there she is, and if she isn’t inwardly content, her surroundings won’t make a damn bit of difference. We must all search for inner contentment. We must all find beauty in the now! (which is hard)
Over the course of the week to come, I challenge you to find ways you might be causing yourself unnecessary pain, because recognizing it is the first step to rising above it. Knowledge is power. Examine yourself.
Here are a few things that help me enjoy the present.
I can’t stress this one enough. Get outside and enjoy nature. Here are my favorite podcast recommendations:
Tim Ferriss (iTunes) (Start with his interview of Terry Crews. This is my favorite podcast of all time!
The Cabral Concept (iTunes) Listen to his series called “Motivation and mindset Mondays”. There are over 125 of them!
Tony Robbins – listen to this man talk about anything on Youtube.
Enjoy things now, while you have them!
Buy yourself a notebook, and at the end of each day, write down ONE thing you are grateful for. Find one thing. If you had a shitty day, it could be the delicious cup of coffee you had that morning. Whatever it is, just find something. One thing. Every day.
This was a big one for me. I love this quote, though I’m not sure who said it. (I’m sorry to say it wasn’t me.) “Drinking alcohol is borrowing happiness from tomorrow.” it’s true. Trust me. Reduce the alcohol, just by a little. (your body will thank you too! Alcohol is among the top 10 carcinogenic foods!)
Put down the phone. Don’t check social media for just one day. Who cares what other people are doing? Focus on you for a change.
If you have a bad day, just let it go. Get home. Relax. Go to bed early. Tomorrow is a new day. Don’t carry yesterday’s problems into tomorrow.